About: ratna

12.30pm 14th feb 2011

hello world! i’m back…or so i hope that i don’t decide to disappear again. i do have this bad habit. sometimes due to boredom…most times because i let life and other mundane things take over.

i took this picture on valentines day. perfectly placed. notice the little heart formed by the gardner’s hose…quite cliche…but hey, love is in the air. or atleast it should be. and not just on this one particular day, where we are forced to proclaim it out loud, remind each other that we are special. so unnecessary…or so i’d like to believe.

even if ‘we’ like to believe that it doesn’t bother us and it’s only a hallmark day blah blah blah. it pinches when your partner does nothing. we forget that we both have always claimed that we don’t care to make a big deal about events. it’s all so complicated.  but it pinches, especially when your asked continously about what you were given, where you were taken. you realise that what people say or that sad look they give you when you say you don’t care to do anything ‘special’, actually bother’s you. people’s reactiond make a difference! how shattering for someone who has always claimed that it doesn’t. it’s all so very complicated. well, atleast in my little head.

anyway…jabbering again. trying to get back into the habit. but got to go quick this time. husband is giving me a reminder lesson on the technicalities of blogging. i’m quite a doofus where remembering technical things are considered, especially after so much time. almost 7-8months.

see you tomorrow…or so, as i mentioned earlier…i hope.

some time some day 2009 or 2010

i don’t actually remember when i shot this or on which wall i stuck these ramblings.

i do remember that i had written this in my sketchbook a decade ago. i probably copied it from there. rather sad that i’m still fixated on the same ramblings.

still pissed off at my state of limbo. it’s spreading to most aspects of my life right now.

can’t even be bothered with uploading pics everyday. even though most of them are all sorted, cleaned up, cropped, dated…it shows how bored i’ve been.

still living out of boxes at my mum’s.

struggling with the need to finish three body casts.

struggling with the need to just be.

no space to make. no space to think. no space to make a mess.

grumble grumble moan moan.

mum asked me last night – don’t artists do their best works when in depression?

i don’t know about that.

i know that i thrive in my own misery, or so i’ve been told. love the dramatic. what would i do if life was simple? probably find ways to complicate it in my own little head.

11.42am 13th apri 2009

perfect little blissful day, filled with full power hecticness.

i think i lost a couple of kgs in my running arounds today.

the sun is beginning to get ready for bed…it’s full strength piercing rays is making me see little circles

the sky is changing into it’s pale lilac hue

i’m not very poetic

but i do love this time of day, 5.30pm. most people like sunset. i feel most peaceful at that pre moment, before it changes into orange.

one of the reasons for my contentment is that little mr. cat has found a lovely little home.

there are many people i need to thank, who fully participated in his recovery and in this most urgent home hunting expedition.

as you all have noticed, i don’t tend to use names, i guess i’m going to stick to that.

i give big hug and oodles of love to a sis-bro duo that took him in on his worst day, an artist comrade, who opened up her home to let little mr. cat heal. to her beautiful visitor, who loved, cared and nursed him back to health, without whome, i would have been helpless and probably would have had many breakdowns in this past week.

the one whose going to become his mama! you’ll always be special.

and then there’s my full salute to two wonderful women, who gave brilliant energy and offered all the help i may have needed in the days to come.

peace, love, happiness and full blown excitement to all you wonderful people.

xxx

06.07pm 22nd feb 2010

latex, ink and wood

part of my process while making memory series iv

it’s my way of collecting the memorys of trees…

the ramblings concerning the whys, i’ll leave for another day. i still have to upload this series on my website. i’m sure i’ll have to explain myself then. why, i do not understand. i don’t really enjoy explaining why i do what. i find it tiresome and sometimes unnecessary. i’d rather have the viewer take what he or she chooses to take from it all.

i cast my body, so there must be a connection there as well.

i myself am trying to figure it all out.

got a body mold to do tomorrow. always get a little nervous.

i am clausterphobic.

11.39am 17th july 2009

we had come back from our monthly goa stint. the monsoons were reaching their brilliant ‘let’s soak through walls and ceiling mode’.

after a few days of settling back in and moaning about the damness and left over mess, i finally got down to actually cleaning it all up.

there was a cardboard box…i lifted it and intruded upon a very prospering colony.

so, today, while googling to find random interesting information on red ants to share with you, i came across

red ants – dirty space alchemy.

suprisingly i like it. if you watch/hear it and if you know me, it’ll suprise you to. but then again, maybe, if i wasn’t watching it and just using me ears, which is what should be used, according to me, when listening to music, i might not have liked it. so maybe it’s just the video that i like. well, in all probability, it’s the combination.

it’s been set to ralph bakshi’s 1977 classis – wizards.

i’m quite curious to watch the film now. already called  video libraries in the area. no luck. now what to do? i’m quite sure i won’t get it around here. oh ho, do i have to shop at amazon? what to do? if i give it an hour, knowing my level of focus these days…i won’t get around to hunting it down. what to do?

01.02pm 11th may 2010

i had been trying to conceptualise a series of me, each me connected to the other me.

i obviously scribbled it on the wall.

when i’l end up doing it…i don’t know.

the time between each one…1month, a year, five…

i don’t know.

do i know anything?

i really don’t know.

08.06am to 08.11am

15th oct 2008

our 1st home together was a little terrace flat.

i loved the mornings there. well, basically, i am a morning person, much to husbands irritation. so there or anywhere else, i’m up and about rather early, much to my own irritation,  and extremely chatty. irritation, only if it’s been one of those ridiculously late nights, which for me is post midnight. so, i guess i’m irritated and irritable due to lack of sleep, quite a few days in the week. but this would make another picture…so we’ll leave it for another day.

woke up one morning, glared at husband as he snored soundly, opened the doors, let the sun in, took my tea on to the terrace to check out the sights, fed apples to the visiting parrots, let jax run around like a kookoo top…routine.

one of our views was the local cop station. it was next to one of the largest car dumpyards i have seen. i called it the car graveyard. in anycase, another picture, other ramblings. i remember reading in the papers how our cops are extremely unfit and rolly polly. the top brass, i guess took action, which led to me taking these pictures. that morning they sweated for a good, extremely hilarious half hour.

04.26pm 1st june 2010

it’s all part of this little tableaux i made.

well, tableaux is technically the wrong word, considering that none of the participants are alive.

but in my head, it works.

these days i’m not so much believing in fairies.

i’m much going into boiling turmoil in my head. all my own doing. i’m the only one that can make me think the way i am.

claustrophobic is only one of my muddled up internal turmoils. i can throw in basic frustration, a sense of demoralization and big time displacement. so basic simple depression.

the snapping out of it is not happening.

the everyday is turning into someday.

to top it all, i’m back to being pissed off with the human race.

oh yes and then there’s this little cat that needs a home.

so all in all crap and complaints and the need for affection.

i should stop now.

11.33am 21st oct 2010

he’s a 6month young male…who needs a little love filled home.

and obviously there are many such young males…

but back to this little cat.

i found him 3days ago, unable to breath.

whatever his complications…which are on their way to vanishing…he is healthy and extremely affectionate.

he seems to have actually come from someones home. he’s litter trained, very comfortable in an indoor space and not afraid of people. he’s familiar with the human touch…and for some strange reason craves it. he keeps nudging for head scratches and is rather demanding.

i unfortunately get the feeling that he was deserted…

i did ask around the area if he belonged to someone and for how long he’s been lying there, in the middle of the pavement. i got the shrug from everyone around and strange looks that i must be mad to give a damn.

i’m going to restrain from going into a rampage. my views are not important at this moment.

so, basically you must have figured out – i’m on the lookout for a home for him.

i would keep him, but i’m inbetween homes for the next 2months, so have no home to give him right now.

please help…anyone…everyone.

much much love.

i will post more pictures of him as he grows healthier…he had been unable to swallow solid food for i don’t know how long before i found him. he most heartily began eating last night…a little at a time…and today a full breakfast!

06.26pm to 07.02pm 15th oct 2010

4 months ago my most organised father called up asking if we were free from the 14th of oct to the 17th of oct to go for a family holiday to mahableshwar! 4 mnths ago!!! booked and cooked and no backing out…

i always get nervous during family trips. don’t ask me why. it’s just the way i am. and this little quirk of mine has all members of my family in fits of laughter at all moments. they also take pride in poking and saying all the things that they know will have my goat up. ooph ooph ooph!

all in all the trip was rather entertaining, filled with way too much food, lots of chatter, a decent amount of alcohol, and some tacky golf, considering no one knew how to play and our caddys struggled really hard to teach us in two very amusing sessions.

last week whenever i mentioned that we were going on a family trip…parents, siblings and their respective partners…friends would make that ooooh sound…how sweet…how lovely…how cute….while i worried and frowned. all my worry was rather wasted as suprisingly there weren’t many fights and tears. i think only once and obviously from me.

the time was filled with rather loud laughter and much random debates and exclamation mark shoutings, which we are much famous for.

i do not understand why everyone would get rather shocked when i said i’ve never been to mahableshwar!! really!!! how come??? really? REALLY? is it really that shocking? i get that it’s down the road, 6hrs away…but come on…it’s not that shocking! there are many more places that i’ve been to that others haven’t. i should start finding that shocking!

our cousin/uncle…he uses whichever whenver it suits his purpose…also came along. his were the exclamation mark shoutings and random comments that thankfully are only meant to get my mother to do a dance. he so loves it. it’s like watching a little boy acheive a big purpose, with the most naughtiest grin. and how he gets my mum to do a temper stomping jig!!! i so love it and so love him. he has this abilty to make all around him laugh and smile…brilliant!

i am rather rambling today. got to run to the new house to see the curtain man! my father finds that rather amusing. i do not know why?

we stayed at the mahableshwar club. a rather old fashioned, quaint little place, with all the old style rules that don’t work with some members of my clan. how we actually managed to adher to them, amazed me. well, it was obey or watch my mother tie herself in knots. we can be quite ambarassing. i do understand. but it’s so much fun watching her, when we disagree.

breakfast between 8-9.30; lunch 1-2; dinner 8-9.30!!! oh and no drinks allowed in the dinning hall. not even wine…it makes no sense. though it does make for healthy living. but holidays are not meant to be healthy.

men can’t wear chappals in the dinning hall, no pyjamas, no shorts, no nightdresses, no caps…many many NO’s.

there are more rules…but these are the ones that irked the most. but we managed, with many grumblings and suprisingly no amabarassing ‘go back to your room’ moments.

the little market, which is where the pictures are from…is amazinlgy packed with little little shops. it’s like a bonanaza…sorry don’t know how that word applies…it works in my head. the amount of consumerism shocked me! it was a really tiny street. 15min…maybe less…walk one end to the other. but such order in their display. such regiment. basically shoes, strawberrys and blankets! and i have never seen shoe shops in such a straight order. i can’t explain it. to me it was like a sociological phenomenon…but, i’ve noticed this in most hill towns.

i really should go and choose fabric for my curtains now. decisions…so many. i don’t like curtains. but, then again, husband obviously does not want random eyes watching as i walk around our home naked. i do not understand why buildings have to be so close together.

what happened to personal space and privacy?

there’s alot that i do not understand about many things linked to society.

there’s alot i do not understand about many things.